Your partner and the quality of your marital relationship is a powerful predictor of your future personal and career growth and wellbeing.
Quite a good number of people have had their dream capsized because of a wrong marital partner.
A friend of mine has had a burning desire to study nursing but age wasn’t on her side, she was already 35. She had a suitor who promised to take her to school after marriage. In her presence, he even communicated his intentions with a lecturer friend of his in one of the best universities in Nigeria.
It convinced her beyond doubt and she happily proceeded with the marriage with the hope she was eventually going for her dream course. After marriage, it was a different story.
Because they didn’t marry early, having children became the new priority.
Now the child is two years with no reference to ever going to school to read her dream course.
In the extreme, a lot of persons, especially women, had suffered various disabilities and victimization from their male partners due to domestic violence. Most of the signs showing the future usually surfaced, they ignored some of those signs hoping an abusive boyfriend may transform into a responsible husband.
A few lessons can help you salvage a lot of these preventable eventualities. Here are four of them:
1. One Person Meant For You
That there is one person meant for you is a myth. It is both deceptive and a limiting belief.
Most churches have ruined the lives of people because they claim the power to foretell a partner meant for people seeking help in choosing marital partners.
A friend of mine went to a certain pastor with five names. After a session of prayers, the pastor looked through the list of five and choose one he claimed to be the bone of her bone.
It was rosy at first. It appeared they were actually meant to be. Two years later, they broke up. She confided in me that the guy was the wrongest person that has come into her life.
It is a myth that there is a particular person meant for you in the whole wide world.
There are many people that can make a suitable partner for you. And not just one person in the whole wide world. So when a relationship is unhealthy and toxic to your life, do not get stuck with the feeling that leaving him or her may mean you will never be happy.
The right person for you is the one who can be a true partner with whom you both can help each other grow and achieve your life goals. That is the right person for you.
2. Maturity Vs Beauty
Beauty will forever continue to sway young minds.
But if you ask the older ones, especially those in marriage, a common piece of advice confirms the adage that beauty is only skin deep.
Maturity is a more positive criterion for future success in a relationship than beauty or handsomeness.
Beauty may be very important in the early stages of a relationship, but not afterward when the reality of life sets in. This is when issues like plans to have children, how to save to give them a standard education, how to manage finance to name a few.
What would count then is a mind that can think through issues for a way forward. Since this reality phase is even the longest, it is wise to put maturity ahead of beauty in choosing a life partner.
3. Is There A Guarantee?
Heraclitus has this to say about life many years ago:
“The only constant in life is change.” — Heraclitus
The only constant about humans is change.
People change as well as anything that change can affect. A relationship is a good example. You can love someone today and in the next 24 months cease to feel that same love as was in the beginning.
As long as that is, here is the only guarantee I can give you about a relationship: there are no guarantees.
To be ignorant of this is to risk suffering the severe effect of heartbreak. A medical student ingested a sniper insecticide when her boyfriend broke up with her. That’s a severe reaction people can have in the event of a heartbreaking experience like a breakup. This is usually because of expecting the relationship to work out 100%.
Unfortunately, there is no guarantee in a romantic relationship.
Giving your all isn't a guarantee that your partner will give their all; wanting a relationship to progress to marriage isn't a guarantee that your partner wants the same.
So take this game called relationship easy. Practice self-love. Be able to find wellbeing alone first instead of anchoring it on your partner's ever-changing emotions.
4. A Failed Relationship vs A Failed Marriage
A broken marriage is a social disaster.
The impact of a disruptive event in a relationship is measured by how many people are affected. When a relationship fails, a maximum of two persons is affected.
But when a marriage fails, it is a disaster to the society: the partners are affected, the children are affected as well as their education and emotional wellbeing, in-laws are affected, relatives, close friends had a share of the impact. Things never remain the same.
It is wise to end an unhealthy relationship than hope that things get better after marriage.
The truth is that marriage doesn't change anyone - especially the male. More often than not, the female partner could change to become more disciplined but not the male. They are fairly the same before and during marriage apart from the ring on their finger.
So if you think you can't put up with their behaviors now while dating why keep up with the relationship?
There is no one unique partner for anyone; there are more than a handful of people that fits into your definition of an ideal partner. Allow this unhealthy relationship go for good and allow other people to come into your life.
A relationship is only a lab where people are tested for the bigger responsibility ahead in marriage. If they fail the test why hope they will pass later on?
A failed relationship is far better than a failed marriage. Never forget that.
Your marital future is far more important than you think.
Your personal and career growth and success rely heavily on it. While a true partner can be a dream partner, a toxic and unsupportive partner can be the obstacle to your growth and success in life.
End a relationship if you can't take a chance of more than 40% that it is going to lead to marriage. Allow someone else into your life.
Your future is important. Don't trade it for an unhealthy relationship.